The 1 on 1 : Unlock Its True Potential

Can I tell you a secret? As a manager I used to hate 1 on 1 meetings with my direct reports. And I think they hated them even more than I did. Then, I realized that I was doing them wrong. Okay. Maybe saying I was doing them wrong is an overstatement, but I was definitely doing the wrong things.

I spent several hours every week meeting with various team members as they provided status updates. We handled questions related to issues that came up in their departments or projects.

These meetings never ended on time, either. If they were scheduled for 30 minutes, they were an hour. If an hour, then they were two. There was never enough time to handle all of the day to day stuff that was brought up.

That all changed when I finally realized what I was doing wrong. It might be what you’re doing wrong as well.

The Role of a Manager

Ultimately, the change I had to make had nothing to do with how I viewed my team or even the meeting itself; I had to change how I looked at myself as a manager and as a leader.

Oftentimes, when we think of the role of a manager, we assume that their primary job is making sure that their team gets the work done quickly and correctly. It is very much about efficiency and effectiveness.

In reality, how well the work gets done is really the result of their actual mandate, developing a great team. A good manager helps their team grow to face the challenges of their work.

Here are the 3 shifts I think every manager needs to make in order to have more effective 1 on 1s and, more importantly, be a better leader.

1. The shift from player to coach

This shift is about collaboration and setting clear expectations: expectations about your role and theirs.

In many cases, you have done the work your team members are now doing. They feel like you already have all the answers. Many times you do.

When faced with a problem, players roll up their sleeves and get in the game. The nostalgia of being the best player and getting the win can sometimes overcome them. They don’t explain the what and the why, they just do it. They bulldoze through the problem with Olympic level prowess.

But you’re not a player anymore.

Your shift to coach is to empower your team to find the answers themselves. They will never do that if you simply play their position for them. Instead consider asking them questions and digging into how they would handle the situation. Share your experience. Don’t just provide the answers.

Help your team members grow professionally by working with them on their career goals. Help them define their own path and to stick with it.

Your team members won’t be with you forever. Your mission as coach is to make sure they are prepared for what’s next.

2. The shift from task master to mentor

This shift is about connection and what really makes a strong relationship between manager and associate.

Think back to the best manager you can recall. What made them great? Why do they stick out in your memory? It’s likely because you believed they genuinely cared about you. They wanted what was best for you. Not just what was best for the company, but what was best for you.

Task masters, on the other hand, are consumed with the work. They mainly ask questions like: “What’s getting done and what’s still left on the list?” Their conversations focus on the projects and goals, while they ignore what the person they are talking to might really need in the moment.

Making the shift to mentor is about digging deeper than the work. It’s about digging past the to do lists and meetings and past the goals and roadblocks. Mentors work away until they are in the world of motives and the depths of insecurities.

The mentor relationship is your chance to really get to know the people you serve. Don’t read past that point too quickly. True mentor managers realize that they serve their direct reports, not the other way around. It’s a time to reflect on the complexities of their lives and your own. Here you can build understanding and empathy.

Once you have made that connection, you are able to be the manager that confronts the uncomfortable. Someone who shines a light into the fog to help their people navigate what lies ahead.

3. The shift from critic to cheerleader

This shift is all about clarity. Patrick Lencioni has said repeatedly that leaders must be CROs, Chief Reminding Officers.

Instead, many take the role of critic. Rather than reminding their team members of what they are striving for, they spend their energy pointing out where they have failed. Critics seem to only see what’s wrong, so much so that they miss all the stuff that is right.

What is the mission and purpose of the company? What are its values? What’s the current strategy and priorities? When we are in the eye of the storm of daily work, these are the questions that get forgotten.

The shift to cheerleader is such an important one. In this role, you energize your people by keeping their focus on what’s important. Challenges come and go. Tasks are added and checked off the list. The project this quarter will likely not be the project for the next quarter. As a cheerleader you help them keep their eyes on what remains and is constant.

Cheerleaders go out of their way to acknowledge the wins of their team, to catch them doing awesome things. They watch for it, and then they figure out the most appropriate way to celebrate it.

Everyone wants a fan, someone who recognizes the greatness in them and the potential they have. You will have to challenge them and help them grow. You will need to have the uncomfortable conversations, but you will also need to be the person cheering them on TO GO ALL THE WAY!

Because you know they can.

1 on 1s: Coach, Mentor, Cheerleader

As a manager, you are likely busy with a lot of responsibility that weighs heavy on your shoulders. It’s easy to see 1 on 1s as another distraction to your real work, but 1 on 1s are your real work. In fact, they are your most important work. You can’t afford to waste another one of these 30 minute meetings.

Coach your people and share with them your knowledge through stories while empowering them to find answers for themselves through digging questions.

Mentor your people by getting to know them personally as well as professionally. What makes them tick? What are their motivations? Help them see themselves and their role clearly.

Cheer your people on to do even more great things by not letting the small wins go unnoticed. Constantly remind them of the values and purpose of your company, so you can both be guided by them.

If you do this, not only will your people grow and shine, they will help take the weight off of your shoulders. The ultimate responsibility will still be yours, but now you have a capable, focused, and inspired team supporting you.

If that’s the kind of manager you want to be, sign up for our newsletter below and we will send you a free PDF of our Manger’s Guide to 1 on 1s. It’s a two page document to help remind you of the kinds of conversations you should be having regularly with your team members.